Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
