the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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