Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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