I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
