My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
