i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
