I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize