Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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