There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
