I wish I only lived at night.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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