i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
