Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
