remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
