Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
We are two peas in an std pod
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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