why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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