i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
