my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
no you cant smoke seaweed
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
