I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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