Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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