OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
