You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
