those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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