Whatcha textin bout Willis?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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