i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Randomize
