Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
