why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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