I want to stick my p in your. b.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Never joke about your clitoris.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
