Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
