i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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