He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
