I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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