I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
