im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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