and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
