Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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