I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize