I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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