u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
