so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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