My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
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