OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
