I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
