The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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