First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
