i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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