I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Randomize
