if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
