just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
