You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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