she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
