you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize