dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
