I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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