I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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