in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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