im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
