hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
