Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
