I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
