Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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