We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
