I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
