you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
