Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
