My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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