6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize