i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Success! We fucked roommates!
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
