Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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